Falling Leaves-by Adeline Yen Mah

The memoir of an unwanted Chinese daughter

This is the true story of Adeline Yen Mah, a physician, writer, wife and mother. Born into an affluent Chinese family who enjoyed rare privilleges during a time of political and cultural upheaval, the death of her mother due to complications at childbirth shortly after she was born, made her vulnerable to appalling emotional abuse at the hands of a cruel and manipulative Eurasian stepmother. However, Adeline managed to beat all odds, as she moved from Hong Kong to England and eventually to the United States.

The first chapter is set after the death of Adeline's father. His will was to be read to his children. It came as a shock to his children, as her stepmother's lawyer read that Mr. Yen had left nothing behind for his children....

For her entire life, she had the need to feel wanted... and this need was never fulfilled by her family. Instead, she was always the unwanted child-the child who caused her mother's death, the child who was the least attractive, the child who did not receive any hong bao (red packet) money during Chinese New Year, the child who was frowned upon by her parents, the object of ridicule of her siblings. Yet she never harboured hatred for her family. As one reads her painful story, unfolding the events of her traumatic childhood page by page, one can only but wonder in awe-how did she manage to keep that flicker of hope in her heart, that someday she might be accepted by her family?

It was indeed fortunate, that she found love in her Aunt Baba, who was also victimised under the draconian "ruling" of Adeline's stepmother. For many years they confided in each other, Aunt Baba giving her the recognition she needed as a high achiever in school, and comforting her late at nights after she had been brutally scolded by her stepmother.

A nagging thought lingered in my mind as I wondered why Adeline's stepmother would want to psychologically torture a young girl, who was, at the time, as harmless as a kitten. In fact, Adeline's stepmother even went to the extent of manipulating her other siblings to turn against her just so that the siblings would not unite and turn against her.

It could only mean one thing... that Adeline is truly an outstanding girl with so much potential in her to succeed, so much that she viewed her as a threat to her position in the family.

A little digression, if I may...

In those days, it is not uncommon for relatives to shower profanities and demoralise the brighter children in the family. It is the epitome of all jealousy. Children at that time were taught to be seen and not heard. I can relate to this because my mom was also a product of a family consisting of many family members staying under one roof. Being a high achiever in school did not earn her praise, but instead she was subject to physical and verbal abuse by her aunts. Being the daughter of the eldest son in the family, she was taught to take all of these taunts in her stride and not to complain.

"We don't want other relatives to say that your father does not know how to teach his children," said my grandmother.

Indeed, a large Chinese family in those days were good training grounds for survival. You had to be extraordinarily strong to withstand the anguish and the torment which surrounded you. Everything is of course, hidden from the outside world by the magnificent walls of your compound.

Back to Adeline. Choosing to seclude herself in the world of books at her school library, (she was sent to a boarding school and never had visitors throughout her duration at the school) her creative juices flowed and she entered a play writing competition. It was by winning this competition that she managed to get the nod from her father to send her to England to study.

Her first marriage ended in divorce. However, she found true love in her now husband, Bob who also inspired her to write her autobiography. I am truly happy for her.

I will not attempt to disclose more of the contents in her book... you need to read it in order to appreciate how beautiful and sad her story is.

One positive thing came out from reading her story though... it taught me to have a gracious heart and to be thankful for everything that I have. The love and support of a family, which the author was deprived of as a child.

For those who have not read this book, I strongly recommend it.