Chapter 7: A story untold

 

"Hi Mommy", Freda hugged her mother as she got off the platform. Mrs. Gee looked as radiant as ever. She lovingly gazed at her daughter, her heart aching as she saw how tired and sad Freda had become.

 

"Lets go for some tea honey. You look really tired."

 

At the coffee house, both mother and daughter looked into their cups, stirring furiously, not saying a word.

 

Finally Freda broke the ice.

 

"Mom, Toby proposed."

"Really? Well its about time now isn't it? You've been engaged long enough already. I wonder what took him so long to ask."

"I won't actually say he was asking me, I would rather think of it as a directive/order from his parents. He asked me to read a pre-nuptial agreement a few days back told me to sign it since he won't be negotiating the terms with me anymore."

"So did you sign it honey?"

"No Mom. I am not sure if I actually want to marry him. I mean, I wasted 5 years for daddy. I am not sure if I actually want to do it anymore."

"Sighs. I would have thought that the both of you would have fallen in love with each other already after 5 years."

"There is no love Mommy. You know that. We did it out of family obligation. I mean, come on. We may be staying under one roof but we have separate rooms. We lead our own separate lives. This is how we have been living for the past 5 years. You don't know because you never visited us. All these years… you and daddy have never visited us. Don't you even care?"

 

"Honey, I am really sorry. I didn't know that it would be so difficult for you. Honestly."

"No Mom, you didn't want to know. I gave up everything for this family. My life, my dreams, my hopes. To be engaged to a guy who does not even care whether I am dead or alive. Why?"

 

Her mother looked very shaken at this point. Her lips quivered.

 

"Freda, you are not the only one who had to give up everything for this family. It runs in the family ok? So before you start feeling sorry for yourself why don't you think about what I had to do for this family?"

 

And tears welled up in her eyes.

 

Freda was a bit taken aback. She did not expect her mother to react this way. So she toned down her voice.

"I'm sorry Mom. But if you want me to understand your situation, you have to let me know. I can't keep on making guesswork you know."

 

And Mrs. Gee sighed.

 

"I was dating my high school sweetheart for a year, and we were planning on getting married. Your grandfather was a very prominent person in town, monopolizing the transport system as well as the textile industry. Your father was the most eligible bachelor in town and there were girls queuing up just to catch a glimpse of him. It was amazing.

 

For some strange reason, your father took a liking to me and being the spoilt brat he was, he asked his father, your grandfather for help.

 

"So what did granddad do?"

 

"He did what he does best, honey. Extortion. He threatened to shut down my father's business if I did not agree to marry his son. To make things worse… he insisted that my sweetheart be relocated to another town or he would get rid of his family once and for all.

 

With his financial power and influence in the community, there really wasn't much choice for us. Of course, being young and gutsy, I did try to retaliate. So I ran away from home."

 

Freda listened in disbelief. At this day and age… such things actually happened…

 

Mrs Gee cleared her throat and continued.

 

"Anyway, my sweetheart and myself ran away for about a year. We were hunted high and low, my parents were threatened with death threats every other day. Amidst all the running and escape, I fell pregnant.

 

A baby boy was born to us and we hid in the stables of a kind couple. It was very difficult as I did was not nourished enough to give the baby breastmilk..the poor baby was crying his lungs out.

 

My sweetheart had also become quite weak with all the running. We were both tired and had a baby to feed… we just could not take it anymore."

 

And then she started to cry.

 

"I would always remember the day when you father's men discovered us in the stables. The baby, who would have been your brother now if he was alive, was snatched cruelly from my arms. I was very weak and could not do anything as he was snatched away. They dragged my sweetheart and shot him to his death outside."

 

"Where's the baby now mom?"

 

"I don't know. For so many years I tried to track him down, asking around anybody who would know about his whereabouts. I am really certain that he is alive, and he must be here somewhere. I can feel it."

 

"I am so sorry mommy. I never knew… How could you marry daddy?"

 

"I had no choice. I was at my wit's end. My lover was killed in front of my eyes, my parents suffered psychological harm as a result of the threats, and there was only one thing I could do to stop all this madness. So I surrendered and I married him."

 

"Don't you hate him for doing this to you?"

 

"Yes I do. But after you were born, the hatred subsided. You reminded me so much of myself, a kind and gentle girl who would do anything to please her parents. You know… there was a reason why I chose to send you away when you were 16. I wanted you to get away from it all. I didn't want you to go through what I had gone through."

 

"Mom, if it is bound to happen, nothing can stop it."

 

By this time, both mother and daughter were sobbing uncontrollably. Both were sufferers of  ill fate. Both had lost their true love. Only in Mrs Gee's case, she had lost her son as well.

 

Or had she? Only the heavenly stars above could tell.

 

It was an afternoon of confessions and stories untold. Tears were shed, mistakes forgiven, severed ties rebuilt. It was time for Freda to make a decision.

 

"I know what I should do now, Mom."

 

"Yes… this is your life. We should not be telling you what to do. Your daddy has made us suffered enough. I am old. But you are still young, my dear. You must do something for yourself."

Chapter 6: The Proposal and a sea of memories

 

“Have you read the pre-nup Freda?” Toby growled.

“Nope. Why?”

“Well Mom thinks its about time we wrapped up the marriage thingy. We’ve been engaged for 5 years anyway. Time to do something about it. You’re not getting any younger.”

Freda could not believe her ears. Was this Toby’s idea of a proposal for marriage? If it was, it made her feel sick. She was already a prisoner in this house for the past 5 years. Technically, they were engaged, but only on paper. Not one day has passed by where she wished she was never engaged to Toby. She did it for her family, so did he. But there was no love. Nothing at all. She had tried for 5 years. But it did not work.

 

“You better read the pre-nup. If you’re happy with it then just sign on page 10 at the bottom. No further negotiations, just in case you were wondering.”

 

So this was what it was all about then. A marriage proposal which came 5 years later. The tone of his voice was cold as ice. You would usually shake your client’s hand after the successful conclusion of a contract. But in this instant, there were only cold words and a 10 page pre-nuptial agreement to declare his intentions.

 

Freda felt totally disgusted at his proposal. She felt herself tearing apart inside. The years of frustration, her trying hard to suppress her emotions at bay, her numerous attempts to forget the beautiful love story she had so painstakingly built up with the one and only love of her life, all came crashing down on her. She could not take it anymore.

 

Freda slumped into a chair, memories flooding back into her head… as if everything happened only yesterday…

 

She recalled the day when she was summoned into her father’s chambers where he would decide her fate. She was then very much in love with Hayden, someone who totally changed her life forever. They were planning to get married, have children, basically spending the rest of their lives together. He had totally swept her away with his charm. Basically they were totally smitten with each other.

 

She would remember the day that her dad spelt out her fate for her.

“Darling, I hope you can understand what daddy is asking you to do. I am now heavily debt ridden and there is only one person who can help me get through this crisis. I had no choice but to ask Uncle Kelp for help.

The only way we can do this, is to announce an engagement between you and Toby. Although I am still in financial difficulties, by announcing your engagement, we would be able to boost the shares in Kelp Inc. He would then use the proceeds to help me out. That’s the plan.

 

“Daddy, how about Hayden?”

 

“Honey, you have got to help me here. There is nobody else who can do this now. I am now hiding my legacy of bad debts behind a good name. Hayden can’t help me get through this crisis. Only Uncle Kelp can do that.”

 

“Daddy…”

 

“No buts.. Honey. You are the angel of my heart. I would never do anything to hurt you. But this time round, I really, really need your help. I know what I am asking of you is very unreasonable. But Toby is not a bad boy I assure you. And this is just going to be a temporary thing I promise you. We can call off the engagement about a year later, when my finances have restored.”

 

Freda was terribly distraught.. she made a choice which she prayed that nobody in their life ever had to make.

 

It was with much reluctance and heartache that she forced herself to tell Hayden a lie so that he could forget about her. Like a piercing knife through her heart, she broke the news to him when they were supposed to leave for a holiday to Europe. She left him a message at the hotel, packed her bags and quietly went to Victoria Station.

 

Hayden, upon receiving the message had rushed to Heathrow airport looking in vain for her, thinking that she had caught the next flight home. His search was to no avail. He even went to King’s Cross to check whether she was on the last train back to Newcastle. For the whole evening he took the tube, searching for her, his heart sinking every second as he realized that he would lost her forever.

 

Freda stared at her phone at Victoria Station, tears falling down from her eyes as she thought of the cruel choice she had to make. She knew that given the state of their relationship, there was no way she could tell him in the face that she was getting engaged to someone else just so that she could save her dad’s business. She was not strong enough to face him that way.

 

So she chose to run away from it all and accept her fate.

 

Therefore, it was with much reluctance and bitterness that she acceded to her father’s request and got engaged to Toby. The engagement party was a masquerade, to mask the last heartbeats of her father’s once booming empire. She was dressed to the nines, to present what was to her a mere façade of a happy couple to the media. Her heart bled as she shook hands with the distinguished guests, each of them congratulating her in return. She felt no reason to be happy, yet she had to force herself to put up a megawatt smile. The show had to go on. For the entire evening, Toby did not even look at her. They knew each other as friends, but neither of them had ever imagined that they would end up engaged to each other under such circumstances. It was a merger of two empires at the expense of the happiness of both Toby and Freda.

 

For five years she had stayed under one roof with a man whom she could not bring herself to love. Looking back, she wondered how she did it in the first place… not one day went by where she did not think of Hayden and the children that they were never going to have.

 

And now… after five years… was she going to stay put and accept what has been bestowed upon her? Was she going to waste another 5 years? Most importantly, did she want to continue living like this?

 

With a heavy sigh, Freda got up went into her room. She walked towards the safe which she kept all her prized possessions, locked by a combination number so long and complicated that sometimes she confused herself while trying to open the safe.

 

She retrieved a thick journal from the safe, looked at it adoringly started to leaf through the pages.

 

A random entry in her diary made her eyes well up in tears. This was written the day after she left on a jetplane while he traveled to Europe alone, his heart broken into a thousand pieces.

 

Dear Hayden,

Here I am at Heathrow airport writing this to you. The past one year had been such a wonderful one. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that both of us would cross paths.

I still remember the day when I first saw you at the union. You were quiet, as if there were a thousand thoughts going on in your mind.

 

Walking down with you along River Tyne in November was fantastic. Never would I have ever imagined that you would ask me out. My heart was leaping with joy… and I really really had a good time.

 

Being in your arms on a cold winter evening in early December, where you kindly took off your jacket and wrapped it around me really warmed my heart. It was also the day when we officially started dating. The lovely flowers, your warm hands, your strong shoulders… every single detail seems so clear in my mind.

 

We spent our first Christmas together, roasting turkey, sipping rose wine, eating minced pies…those were really happy times.

 

Our weekend trips down to Whitley Bay, sharing tv dinners, going for movies… etc… every single thing that we did together, be it a simple chore or a trip to get away from it all, was magical. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

 

And so did you too.

 

I prayed so hard that you would be accepted into your new job. I prayed that we would have many more Christmases together, I prayed so hard for us.

 

But, perhaps, my prayers were not heard, or I did not pray hard enough.

 

I pray that no one, no one in this world, especially those who are so deeply in love would ever have to make such a decision. It is so cruel, so cruel.

 

Daddy is in trouble. We are going to lose everything. Only Uncle Kelp can help us. Oh but why does it have to be me who is going to be sacrificed?

 

Why is it that I always have to be at the frontline?

 

Why?

 

Why?

 

My heart is aching.. its as if there are a thousand knives piercing me continuously, and it will not stop. It bleeds, blood dripping slowly, steadily, drip by drip, each drip reminding me of every moment that we spent together.

 

Forgive me my dear Hayden. For I must leave you… I know there is no way you are going to agree to my sacrifice if I see you in person. I know you too well… you would not let me go. My family needs my help.. if this is the one thing I can do to save daddy.. I don’t think I have a choice.

 

But it hurts so much, I feel as if the skies are crumbling down…

 

I know perhaps, you will never forgive me. I can only ask that you lead a better life, perhaps one which is not based on business relationships and exchange of contracts. I am but just another chess piece in my father’s life. It is so sad, but it is my destiny.

 

My heart will always be with you.

 

Love always

Freda.

 

And she sobbed uncontrollably, tears rolling down from her eyes, falling onto the diary page in the progress. She had tried so hard to suppress her feelings all these years, her duty towards her family taking precedence over her personal feelings. She had to do it.. she had no choice.

 

For so many years, she tried to find out where Hayden was, to no avail. It was as if he had disappeared from the face of this earth.

 

Her heart ached as this part of her history resurfaced. It was something so painful, she wished she could forget.

 

But, like many things in life, some things are not meant to be forgotten.

 

She closed her diary. “No use mulling over the past”, she thought to herself.

 

Then she suddenly thought of her mother. She had not talked to her in weeks… she wondered how her mother was. She remembered when she cried her heart out over her father’s draconian decision, her mother comforted her by saying,

 

“My dear girl, when you were born into this family, you were born with a responsibility even heavier than that of an average person. It is with this duty that you must obey your father’s wishes…as much as it hurts, it is only by obeying him, that you can fulfil your obligations. We do not have a choice. Cry, cry your heart out. Let the tears wash away your frustration. Let your soul be cleansed. And accept your fate, and move on.”

 

She picked up the phone and called her mother.

 

“Mom? Could we meet up somewhere this weekend? I haven’t talked to you in a while”

“Yeah sure. I’ll meet you at the train station.”

 

And so she packed her bags, took her diary with her and left a short note for Toby telling him that she would be back after a few days.

Chapter 5. The beginning of it all

 

“It was back in December 1995, when I would leave home for the first time. I was offered a scholarship to continue my studies in another high school. My mother thought that I needed a change of environment… a new school, new friends. Of course my then headmaster wasn’t too happy about it… he was far from happy. After all, he was losing one of his good students to another school. And he knew the reason why I wanted to leave. I was angry with the system, unsatisfied, etc. I wanted to leave.

 

It was with that frame of mind that I packed my bags, said goodbye to my family, my piano and everything else. Left on a jetplane with hopes, aspirations and dreams.

 

The school was absolutely beautiful. Lush greenery, quaint old style British buildings, students dressed in white uniforms… I was absolutely thrilled to be part of this new big family. I was excited, thrilled… I wanted to explore.

 

It was in this beautiful school, that I would meet him for the first time.”

 

“Who?” Lynnette asked eagerly.

 

“Jason. The smartest, cutest guy in the school. I never met anyone quite like him. He totally blew me away. I met him for the first time in the school music room. He was playing William Sinding’s “Rustle of Spring.”

 

“Do you play the piano?”

 

“Yes I do actually. But since I got engaged to Toby I haven’t played much. Even the Wagner sitting out there didn’t seem to relive my interest in the piano. Perhaps because music used to be such an integral part of my life, when I lost my one true love, that part of me vanished as well. Toby never is much of  a music fan anyway. It’s a pity though.. perhaps he would have been a much happier person had he actually slowed down to listen to real music… and not all that crappy heavy metal stuff..”

 

“Forget about him. Lets continue with Jason. So what did you do to him?”

 

Freda looked gobsmacked. “I never did anything to him, honestly.” (with an evil glint in her eyes)

“Yeah right. I don’t freaking believe you.”

 

“Anyway, here’s what happened.” And she took a sip of her coffee. “I had to find out when he would be at the practice room. So I observed him for a week.”

“Stalker!” chuckled Lynette.

“I managed to observe that he usually practices piano every Wednesday. So after “stalking” him for three weeks I decided to make a move.”

 

“Man Fred you sure have some guts in you. Quick, out with the juicy bits. What did you do?”

 

“I played William Sinding’s Rustle of Spring. Hehe… I managed to beat him to it. He usually starts practicing at 2.30pm, so I was sitting in the room like nobody’s business at 2pm. Needless to say, he was pretty confused when he came to the music room and there I was, playing the song that he always played. I bet he felt as if he had been dethroned.”

 

“So what happened next?”

 

“He came to me and said: ‘ Lady, I think you’re in the wrong place here’. So I stopped playing and looked at him. Man was he cute. He looked annoyed, but he was cute. And I could not resist looking at him. I think he was a bit taken aback by me staring at him, he got a bit panicky.”

 

“Bullshit. I don’t believe you actually looked at him that way. I mean, if you were a guy and she was the annoyed gal,  that probably might have been the case. It doesn’t sound right at all.”

 

“You can choose to believe it if you want to. Do you want me to continue or not?”

 

“Yeah sure.”

 

“I apologized to him and took the opportunity to introduce myself. Of course he took it rather coldly.. I would probably have done the same if my hot seat was taken over by some freaky stranger. I tried to strike up a conversation with him. But it didn’t work until a few weeks later.”

 

“Boy did he give you the cold shoulder.”

 

Freda smiled. Clicking on the laptop, a picture of a young handsome man appeared.

 

“Oh my God. Is that him?” asked Lynette, clearly smitten by the picture.

 

“Yeah. That’s him. He’s really good looking isn’t he?”

 

“Drop dead gorgeous man! Wow! Ok ok.. continue your story. So what happened? For goodness sake I wish you’d go faster with your story you know. No offence Fred but at this speed we’re moving, I’d be making a date with Dreamland very soon.”

 

“Right. So it happened on a rainy night…”

“Ah. That’s better.”

 

“I was supposed to go out with a few friends that night. You have absolutely no idea how its like to stay in the school hostel girl. It is literally a prison in there. Forms have to be filled a week in advance before you can get it approved for you to leave the school compound. So yeah, it was my night out in weeks.”

 

“So, did you go out with him?”

 

“Nope. Let me finish my story first yeah?”

 

“So I went out with a few friends for some food and we were having a good time.. when I saw him. He was with a group of friends as well. At this stage of our friendship, it was considered pretty civil… nothing happening yet, but at least he was not as hostile in comparison to the first time we met.”

 

“Well I was with my group of friends and so was he. So the most we did was to exchange a few glances. I was having my favourite duck noodles but honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention to my food. Guess my friends kinda knew how I felt then. They were elbowing each other like mad and suddenly decided to leave me one by one.”

 

“Hahahahahahahha. So they left you in the lurch now did they?”

 

“Well that was not the worst part. It was as if Jason’s friends could read my mind as well. They attacked their food as if there was no tomorrow and quickly left the table. Then it was just him on one table and me on the other. How strange.”

 

“Oh cut the crap Fred. What did he do?”

 

“Coming to it already. Will you be patient?” Freda smiled. “So he came over to my table with his half eaten noodles and sat next to me. I didn’t think much about it, guess he just wasn’t the type who liked eating alone.”

 

“My arse. I bet he was already smitten with you. I mean, surely all guys do things for a purpose?”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

“We started chatting. Evidently, the noodles wasn’t the main thing that was on my mind… I was more interested in what he was going to talk to me about.”

 

I can still remember that conversation.

“You know, I am still a bit surprised at how well you played William Sinding’s Rustle of Spring. I have been practising for ages and I can’t seem to grasp the song right. It is really frustrating at times. Maybe that’s why I was a bit hostile to you when I saw you in that music room. I mean, you were a new kid on the block and there you are, playing my favourite song. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at you, but that song really means a lot to me.

 

So I kept quiet, nodding my head and nibbling at my noodles. Clearly, he really had something to say. And it wasn’t just a few grunts of displeasure.

 

He sighed.

“My mom taught me how to play this song. It was kind of like a family thing.. her mother taught her to play the song, and because I was an only child and I was a boy, she didn’t have a choice but to teach me how to play it. I still remembered her words… play this song, boy, and master it. In time, when you find your one true love and have children of your own, teach them again this beautiful song. It brings us hope, it teaches us how wonderful life is. With the first signs of spring, comes eternal hope. Every new bud that comes to life… is a miracle.”

 

“Wow… you must be really close to her Jason.”

 

Then as if he had a lump in his throat, his voice started to change.

 

“She’s been gone for almost 6 months now. I miss her so much.”

 

I felt a bit taken aback. No wonder he was so upset and cold when I first played that song. It was his mother’s song and probably.. that song kept him going.

 

“How… how did she…”

 

“Die, you mean? She was killed in a freak accident.”

 

“I’m so sorry Jason. I never knew.”

 

“Well, nobody knows except a few guys in class. I just couldn’t repeat the same story over and over and over again. Its absolutely crazy. I well, I really can’t take it.

 

For some weird reason, I actually gave him a pat on his back, telling him that it was ok and I understood how it was like to lost someone close.

 

“I remembered when she was lying on the bed, barely surviving, with tubes and all… I played Rustle of Spring and recorded it down. Then I went to the hospital and played it on a walkman for her to listen.”

 

Freda paused for a moment..

 

“And I whispered softly into her ear: “Mommy, can you hear this song? Its our song. You must be strong.. you must try to overcome the pain and suffering. I need you. Daddy needs you. We all need you. I know I can’t play this song as well as you do, mommy… please give me a chance to practice and play it better for you.”

 

“But she could not pull through.”

 

‘And then the sky started to drizzle. It was as if the heavens above were mourning for him, albeit a few months later. So we both took cover inside the interior of a shop. What started off as a drizzle turned out to be a torrential downpour.. and there we were standing in front of the shop, at a lost as to what to do. We both had curfews and it was exactly half an hour before our time was up. The moment time’s up, school gates would close. The hostel warden, Mrs. “Adam’s family” as we call her (she had an uncanny resemblance with Angelica Houston), would be standing out there in her black and white spotted shower cap, thick glasses and hideous pyjamas.’

 

At this point Lynette burst into peals of laughter.

 

Freda laughed and continued.

 

‘Anyway, the shopowner was kind enough to borrow us an umbrella. Guess he must have read my mind as well! Getting an earful from Mrs “Adam’s family” is really bad on a clear day, let alone when its raining cats and dogs.’

 

‘So we shared the umbrella and walked home. Honestly, it was one of the best walks I ever had in my life. There he was, next to me, holding the umbrella as we walked back slowly to the school. I did not know what to say at that moment in time, as I did not want to agitate him further on the recent demise of his mother. Hundreds of thoughts raced in my mind as we walked back. It made sense at that point, why he was so sensitive and hostile when I played his song. This was the one and only way he could be constantly reminded of his mother. And I had taken it away from him that day.’

 

‘So I apologized.’

 

“I am sorry that I played your song. I really did not know how much this song means to you.

“No… please don’t apologize. The only reason I felt so strongly about it, was because, well…”

“Yeah?”

“You played it just like my mother did. And I was shocked when I first heard it. Perhaps you were not aware… I was standing at the door while you were playing.. and I had mixed emotions at that point. You don’t know how long it has been since I heard my mom playing the piano… and I suddenly thought it was her sitting there, playing our family song. The song which is so familiar to me.., at the same time, I was jealous… jealous that someone could play so well, someone who could play better than I did.

 

I saw another side of Jason which I never knew I would that night. As much as his good looks intrigued me, this was one side of him which I never knew existed. The sadness in his eyes was indeed, heartbreaking so to say the least. Evidently he was still very much in grief over the passing of his mother and he could only seek solace in the song which she always played to him.

 

Before we knew it we had reached the entrance to the girl’s hostel.

 

“Oooh… this is the juicy part!” screamed Lynette.

 

So I thanked him for sending me back and reminded him to return the umbrella to the kind shopkeeper.

I was about to turn away and walk into the hostel when I felt a grip on my arm. So I turned back to look at him and he gave me a quick peck on my cheek.

That really took me off guard because never would I have ever expected that he would do something as drastic as that.

 

“So, so..what happened after that then?”

 

“I dashed back into the hostel, dropped my keys in the process, picked them up again and rushed back into the hostel before I could do or say anything stupid. Man. What a night.”

 

“My goodness. You are telling me that the guy of your dreams pecked you on the cheek and all you could do was to run back into the hostel like a headless chicken? What’s wrong with you Fred?”

 

“Nah… I guess at that age, no matter how calm and cool you usually are, you would still be at a lost for words when something like that happens to you. Seriously.

 

“Oh well. So much for a rainy night experience man. You must have freaked the poor boy out. I bet he never talked to you again.”

 

“Well, we did not talk a lot after that. Maybe it was because both of us were confused as to what actually happened that night. I didn’t want to bring the topic up lest he thought I was interested in him (which I was) and he didn’t want to bring up the topic either for fear of causing even more embarrassment to himself. But we did see each other once a week in the practice room. I needed to practice for my piano exams as well, so I had a good reason to be there. But I never did play the Rustle of Spring again. I was worried that it would trigger yet another series of eerie events.

“So did anything happen or not?”

 

“I would have hoped for something to happen I guess, but unfortunately, you have to believe in the power of fate. Whatever is destined for you, will be for you. Whatever is not, will never be yours. Guess the both of us were too headstrong and proud to admit that we actually did have some kind of feeling for each other, and since neither one of us took the initiative to say it out aloud, the thoughts remained only in our hearts and heads.

 

Soon thereafter, the pilot program which I and my other classmates were involved in proved to be a failure. The school board decided to withdraw funds and that meant that if we wanted to continue studying at the school, we had to pay our own way. In fact, we were even required to repay the allowances we had used up during our first 6 months of classes, but the headmaster, who was the head of the program managed to convince the school board not to recover the amount from us.

 

We were in a state of distress as you could imagine, all 7 of us not knowing what to do next. We had tried our best to adjust to the stringent requirements of the program, working hard to achieve the targeted results… but it is a bilateral problem. There were insufficient teachers, and those who taught, were either very new, or part timers or those who could not be bothered. Therefore I had to train myself to self study at an age when students were expected to be spoon fed with information.

 

Jason was not one of the students involved in the pilot program so he was unaffected. By the end of the 9^th month I knew that our class was going to be dissolved and we would have to either join the normal stream classes or return to our respective schools. The pilot program was declared unsuccessful.

 

Sad as I was, and after much discussion, I knew that I could not go back to my old school. I was a very headstrong girl then and I could not swallow my pride to go back to the place which I had so eagerly left. I had two more years of high school to finish and I was not about to spend it at a place where I would be used as a promotional tool for the school, participating in debates and stuff. I already had enough of that.

 

I was lucky to be recommended to another school which was about 2 hours’ drive from the school which I was studying in, and proceeded to arrange for a transfer. It was very very sad. The 7 of us were deeply distraught over what had happened… and some of us felt as if we had been cheated into this program. I did not think of it that way simply because I knew that I had made a choice. And where you make a choice, there are consequences to bear, both good and bad. Now the time has come and we have to leave.

 

Things happened so fast that I did not even have the opportunity to say goodbye to Jason. I knew he must be pretty confused about it, although I did ask one of the guys in his class to tell him that I had to leave the school because the pilot program was closed and I had no other choice. I was not ready to switch to other streams at that time because I naively and honestly believed that I had the ability to be one of the best. It is rather ironic because I ended up doing something else unrelated anyway.

 

“So basically nothing happened between you and Jason?”

 

“There just wasn’t time for anything to happen at all.”

 

“Where is he now?”

 

“Last I heard, he got a PHD and got married. Good for him then.”

 

“Awww, that sucks. Never mind…” Lynette looked at her watch. “Oh holy smokes! I gotta get some sleep man. See you around Fred. Maybe we can continue your story sometime this week?”

 

“That is, if I feel like sharing when the time comes,” smiled Fred with an evil glint in her eye.

Chapter 4: A look into the past and some girly talk

 

It was way past 3am. In the kitchen, Freda waited patiently for Toby to come back. It was during times like these, she had the opportunity to reflect on what had happened over the years. She knew it was not love that kept the both of them together, but rather a compromise. Her engagement to Toby was anything but a union of love. Her engagement only served one purpose and that purpose was to strengthen ties between their families. It had been 5 years. She was not getting any younger. Yet Toby postponed their wedding year after year.

 

It would not have been so difficult, had he just married her and sealed her fate. She would have gladly accepted it. But no. He had to leave their relationship, or their partnership in such an awkward stage. She knew she could not leave. But she also yearned for love and support, a genuine one at that. She was locked in a fortress, a place where she could never identify herself with.

 

She hated herself for being born into such a family where monetary consideration took precedence over everything else. It was just too unfair on her. After all, she was well educated. She had dreams. Goals to achieve. Lots of love to give.

 

And then her submissive side gave in. She was unable to fight it. Weighing the odds of her bailing out on the relationship and the downfall of two empires, she knew she could not do it. The repercussions would be unimaginable.

 

The images of her happier days started to appear in her mind. For many years now she tried to erase the happy images from her mind. It was too painful to bear. Time and again she would wake up in the middle of the night, crying, thinking of the house that she and her first love, Hayden would never have. She thought of the children which they had both dreamed that they wanted to raise and tears started rolling down her eyes.

 

Lynette came in the kitchen and saw her sitting there like a statute.

 

“Hey you,” she whispered. “How come you’re still up? Waiting for Toby again?”

“Yeah. I have been doing this for several years now. Doesn’t make a difference, if I stay up late tonight anyway.”

 

Lynette bit her lip, not knowing whether she should speak her mind.

“Do you love Toby, Freda?”

An awkward silence ensued. Freda wasn’t sure whether she wanted to disclose that many details of her private life. Especially when she was the landlady of the house. Too much information could kill, she thought to herself.

 

“You are still young. There are things which you would not understand.”

“Tell me about it Freda. My dad controlled me like a freak because my mom ran away with another music lecturer. He basically spent his nights talking to shrinks. I had to put up with his crazy antics and his eccentric schedule. I mean, I know it was difficult for him. He loved my mom a lot. But he forgot that when she left him, she left me too. I don’t think he actually realized that.

 

“Do you look like your mom?”

“Yes I do actually, well according to my dad anyway. Maybe that’s why he’s so upset. I probably remind him of her. But I don’t have a picture of her… so I can only take my dad’s words for it…

 

“Do you hate her Lynn?”

“Nope. I think she must had a reason. My dad wasn’t the most loving of all guys. I remember he used to beat her up when he couldn’t get his notes right. He was a perfectionist… she was a romantic. I don’t know how the two of them got together in the first place. One of the things I remember as a child, was how difficult it was for me to endure a piano lesson without crying my lungs out. My teacher… she was just like my dad. A totally wrecked freak if you asked me my opinion.”

 

“But you are doing music composition now.”

“Yeah. I came across some handwritten manuscripts in the attic at home when I was about 16. They belonged to my mom. I never knew that she could compose songs. I tried to play the songs on piano and they were absolutely beautiful. I used to think of her in bad light, well because of what my dad used to tell me anyway. There was not one day when he wouldn’t bang my head against the wall and call me a slut. Then, as if he had just been possessed and exorcised at the same time, he would let me go in shock as if you’d been scalded by a hot potato. And he would hug me and cry. I know, this sounds very freaky and all… I am like so totally wrecked up.”

 

“No you’re not Lynn. You’re a very bright girl. Look at you. You are so young, lively, energetic and enthusiastic. I wished I could be like you.”

 

“I have to be, Fred. I mean, I’ve been through the darkest days of my life. There was a time when all I could think of when I woke up was to look at my checklist of ways to commit suicide. But everytime I tried one new way, I would think of how horrible I’d look as a corpse and I’d stop.”

 

Freda chuckled.

 

“ So yeah, I was too chicken to die. So I figured that if I am too chicken to die, maybe I’m not afraid to live.”

 

“Fred are you sure you want to listen to my story? I mean, I am like in a super talkative mood right now so if you don’t back off we’d still be sitting here tomorrow morning you know?”

 

Freda looked at her and smiled. Funny she never noticed how cute this girl was, talking about her screwed up life as it she were reading it off some tabloid magazine, displaying no signs of sadness whatsoever. The conversation was beginning to get really interesting.

 

“Go on, I am listening.”

 

“Yeah, where was I? Oh yeah. So I started throwing out all the crazy stuffs that I kept in my room, those razor blades, those pills, whatever… I decided I had enough… my dad could be as psycho as he wanted to be, but I didn’t have to be another sad case. I don’t know… I guess I needed to try to be happy, and not just think about ways to die. It just couldn’t work that way.”

 

“So I got my mom’s manuscripts and hid them away from my dad. God knows what he would have done had he discovered them. I don’t recall seeing anything which could remind me of her when I was a kid…”

 

“I don’t get it Lynn… if I were you, being fed with all that mother-hatred propoganda, I wouldn’t even want to have anything to do with her again, honestly. I don’t know how you did it.”

 

“Guess it was the manuscripts that saved me from being indoctrinated. You see, she wrote those songs for me. My names were written over the manuscript… It was at that moment, I realized that she loved me. Not what my dad had been telling me all these years…”

“ I should play the songs for you one day. Then you will understand what I mean.”

 

Freda looked at her watch. It was almost 5am.

 

“Shall I make us some coffee Lynn? Toby’s not coming back. And frankly speaking, I don’t really care.”

“Well I don’t have any lectures tomorrow. How about you Fred?”

“Hah! I am taking the afternoon tutorials so yeah, I can afford to lie in. Can’t sleep now anyway.”

 

“So what are you waiting for? Go grab the coffee girl!” I mean Fred…”

 

Moments, later, sipping coffee…

Lynette looked at Freda. This lady must have a lot of stories to tell, she thought to herself. Somehow she didn’t look quite scary now as she did on the first day she moved into the flat.

Guess you need time to peel a person’s cover she thought to herself.

 

Freda on the other hand was beginning to like this new girl. Of course they did not get along very well on the first day they met. After all, she had 28 boxes of stuff which was really really intimidating. And the fact that she had waited until a week later before she actually bothered paying up the deposit in full had literally driven Freda up the wall. And Lynette calling her “Fred” did not help either.

 

She chuckled to herself.

What better way to tell my story, she wondered, than to show it in pictures?

Lynette watched earnestly as Freda took out her laptop and gently wiped the surface clean.

“This is my life story,” said Freda. I don’t think I have ever shared it with anyone in particular, not in the least Toby. Sighs.”

 

Lynette looks at her watch.

“Well looks like your Toby aint coming home that soon honey. Go on, shoot your story.”

 

And this is Freda’s story, told in her own words.

Chapter 3 – The music room   

 

Lynette was in the music room again. She had exactly 9 months to prepare for her concert which would determine whether she would be able to make it into second year. She was still a bit upset over the performance requirement in her course.. because she was studying for music composition, for goodness sakes and not a piano performer wannabe.

 

The unhappy memories of her childhood came into her mind.

“Lynette, why can’t you get bar 6 right? Ever? How many times do I have to make you re-play the same bar until you get it right? Huh? What is your problem?”

“You will never make it as a piano player. Look at your sight reading. Its appalling. You need to work really hard just to get a pass for your exam little girl.”

“Where’s your sense of rhythm huh? Why do I feel like as if you are some frustrated freak banging the life out of the keyboard? Dynamics please! Read the score. I bet you if Beethoven or Dvorak was alive both of them would beat the living daylights out of you.”

 

And she sighed. She didn’t realize how badly hurt she was by Mdm Genervie’s comments until now. She had barely passed her Grade 8 piano exam because of this horrifying lady. Why would anyone want to be so nasty to a student? Just because she was a daughter of a musician doesn’t mean that she has to be good in music. Not the performance part anyway.

 

“ I hate her…She’s such a biatch.”

 

Alone in the music room now, she stared at the walls around her. Reluctantly she looked at her repertoire.

T Badarzweska’s A Maiden Prayer

William Sinding’s Rustle of Spring

 

Her tutor Jenne had chosen these two songs for her. It was, after all a mini-concert which would only be attended by the faculty staff. But the pressure was intense. She needed someone to tell her that she could do it… just like what her mother used to do. But her mother was not going to be there for her. She was never going to be there for her again.

And she felt lost…

 

“Hiya you need help?”

She turned around and found a cute looking guy staring at her. A pair of deep set eyes looked straight at her.

 

“I’m Keith. What’s your name?”

“Lynette.”

 

“Its nice to meet you Lynette. Are you new?”

“Yeah.”

“BA Music Theology?”

“No, BA Music Composition.”

 

“You’ve picked the best piano we have in the school. This is a 1860 Steinway. Can’t go wrong with this one…”

 

“Ermm.. do you want to play on it? I hope I am not disturbing you. I was just, well… fooling around” she smiled sheepishly.

 

“No, you go ahead. I’d love to see a fresher in action,” Keith chuckled.

 

Fresher. So that’s what they call us newbies.

 

So she played Debussy’s Arabesque II.

 

Keith looked on as she played, her fingers gracefully gliding across the keyboard.

 

And he clapped his hands when she had finished.

 

“That was absolutely beautiful!”

“Thanks. You flatter me.”

 

He looked at his watch.

“Well, I’d better get going now.” He scribbled his number on a piece of scrap paper. “Give me a call, when you come down here again.”

 

“Hey wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Which year are you in?”

“Oh. Right. I’m doing my MA in Music Therapy. Kind of a different league altogether I think.”

 

“That’s interesting, I could do with some music therapy once in a while.”

“Trust me Lynette, its not as interesting as it sounds. I really have to go. Call me!”

 

What a guy, she thought. So friendly.

 

And she continued practising. She looked at the number.

Well, another friend won’t hurt. Not that she fancied him anyway, but still, he was kind of cute.

 

When Keith was out of sight, Lynette started to play the piano. She tried to focus as hard as she could on the keyboard. Somehow she felt as if there was someone watching over her as she played.. the feeling was very eerie. She could not explain it. Perhaps her many years spent at Madam Genervie’s house had seriously traumatized her. She recalled Sidney, another student who about 2 years her senior telling her this:

“Lynn, I am sure that you can play really well. Its just that Madam Genervie is such a perfectionist. She can’t recognize a good piano player even if she saw one. So don’t worry ok? Don’t be so hard on yourself. Things are going to be all right.”

 

Little did she know that Sidney was also suffering silently under Madam Genervie’s coaching. The tyrant who never offered any words of praise, made sure that all her students were tortured to the core. Sidney appeared to be very cheerful and outspoken, but she was always caned by Madam Genervie.. to the extent where she retaliated.

 

Lynn would never forget that incident.

 

Her father held her hand as she went to Madam Genervie’s house for yet another grueling session of scales, arpeggios, aural tests, sight reading, theory exercises etc. It would not be as grueling had Madam Genervie took a more mellowed approach in her teaching methods. Her cane, thick and long, with splintered bits here and there, was very intimidating.

 

When she reached Mdm Genervie’s house, she could hear shrilling cries and sharp screams.

 

Lincoln, Lynn’s father, oblivious to the sounds, left her at the doorstep and went back without a word.

 

Lynn was too afraid to go inside the house, so she chose to stay outside and peeped through the window.

 

Madam Genervie was caning Sidney with all her might. Sidney wailed and cried, but no one came to her assistance. The other students were made to sit and witness the whole horrifying incident.

 

“Now, I shall teach you a lesson that you will remember for the rest of your life!” screamed Madam Genervie as she continuously caned Sidney on her back, her arms, her buttocks. She was like a mad woman unleashing all her energy on a helpless child.

 

“I say the truth! You can beat me all you want. I did not do anything wrong!”

“Silence! You shall pay dearly for your disobedience! Nobody speaks when I speak. You worthless vermin, I shall make you pay for what you have just done!”

 

“Let me go!” Sidney screamed. Madam Genervie’s porky left leg stubbornly stepped on her back as she continued.

 

Lynn was shocked. And she looked in disbelief at the other students who seemed to enjoy the scene.

Sidney’s voice turned hoarse as she tried to wriggle free from Madam Genervie’s canes. But she was too thin, and Madam Genervie was too heavy. There was no way she could break free.

 

So Lynn did something which she never imagined she would be able to do.

 

She screamed “FIRE!” “FIRE!” “Everybody get out of there!”

 

Her cries alarmed everybody in the house. All the students started running in several different directions…all of them ran, including Madam Genervie, who, liked a flustered hen, ran in several different directions before she came to the door. They all fled in different directions. All of them ran, all but Sidney.

 

She could not get up.

 

Lynn ran towards her and tried to help her up to her feet. But Sidney screamed as she tried to move her limbs, which were covered in blood. She winced as Lynn tried to help her into a chair.

 

“Oh my God, what has she done to you?” cried Lynn.

 

“I told her that Bar 6 of Chopin’s Nocturne in E flat should not be played according to her way… and she just went crazy.”

“My goodness… I thought you were the one who told me never to answer her back whenever she was teaching. You know how she is right? How could she do this to you? Let me call your father.”

“No..its no use. Let it be. All parents think that she’s the best. Well I don’t know about her pianoforte skills, but she sure knows how to beat people up. Where have the others gone to?”

 

“I shouted FIRE! And they all ran. I don’t know where Madam Genervie is though.”

 

“You gotta get out of here ok? You are so going to be in trouble when she comes back. GO! Leave me here.”

But Lynn refused to leave.

 

She locked all the doors from inside the house and called her father.

 

“Daddy, I want you to come and pick me up now!” “Help us!” “Help me!”

 

“Whats the matter darling?”

 

“Madam Genervie is mad! She beat up Sidney. Sidney is bleeding real bad Daddy. I’ve locked the both of us inside Madam Genervie’s house. Please come and get us. I can’t let Madam Genervie hit Sidney anymore. She’s going to die!”

 

Of course, Lincoln, being himself, took his own sweet time to arrive at the scene.

 

Madam Genervie was madly pounding on the windows, demanding to be let in.

 

And Lynn prayed hard that she would not break the windows and come in.

 

Thankfully, after what seemed like a century, the police came and Sidney was rushed to the hospital for first aid treatment.

 

Lynn looked at her own clothes stained with blood and fainted.

 

She awoke in her own home, where her father had bad news for her.

 

“Darling, I am so sorry to tell you this… but Sidney did not make it. She lost a lot of blood. She’s gone.”

 

“Nooooo!”

 

Lynn tried to forget what had happened. But evidently she could not. Sidney was such a strong girl… and her demise was indeed tragic.

 

A maiden’s prayer…

 

She tried to concentrate on her playing.. but she could not.

 

Keith was looking at her from a distance. He could sense the sadness in her playing. Never had he felt so attracted to a girl since he broke up with Janice, his high school sweet heart. And in his heart, he felt as if he was ready to love again.

 

But was she the one?

 

He would soon find out.